In 2023, I had a hysterectomy due to being ill. I am one of the lucky ones. I had this procedure after I had children, and it wasn’t cancer. My operation was two separate operations in one. Removal of the cervix through the groin and removal of the womb through the stomach wall. This is due to having a growth in my womb and a second above my womb on the outside of my womb. My red blood cell count was one-third of what it should have been, and I was experiencing palpitations, breathlessness and fainting and due to the growth looked heavily pregnant. Two days after the procedure, when I returned home unable to walk more than 3 meters, I tried to capture how I felt others would see me and maybe how I saw myself since this substantial change to my body. To have a shower, I had to keep my dressings on and cover them in something waterproof to protect the stitches, all I had was carrier bags. This is an ongoing theme in my work as I once again reflected on the carrier bag theory covered in my 1st year of studies at Falmouth University.
My neck skin is quite baggy.
Liberated from the bun baker, liberated from the nurturing homemaker.
Missing, empty, mourning, my little soft fluffy talcum-powered squishy’s
Cured of the guy's nudge and wink, I’d have her over the kitchen sink
Am I still woman, that defined me, that makes me mother who they see
Terrifying to look at, she’ll never get a date; she should have had him, left it too late.
No interest, 6 months on nothing to feel. I'm free from the fuck; at last, this is real.
Held on the sofa, how lush would that be, when it leads to nothing for me.
I miss my toddlers shouting in the shop, with me mutedly urging them to stop.
My tummy hurts. I walk and feel sick, men! They have no idea, lucky dicks.
Have I changed am I scary now? Does lack of hormones make me a witch somehow?
I cry in my tea. I stay in bed all day, barely able to turn, no direction no way.
I dwell on this; no matter how much effort I made, will I ever again want to get laid.
I miss my teenagers chatting in the kitchen, telling me how their day has been.
There are some pros plenty of cons: bad dates are out, creepy guys get gone.
the women said men want free sweets but as you get older, they naturally deplete.
My sweets are all stuck in a dead-end pipe going nowhere although they’re still ripe.
hormones she says with her RIGHT reasons, to the crown of a tim this would be treason.
what do women look like after a hysterectomy?
In the first 4 days after my operation I took photos of myself, exploring how I felt men might view me after a hysterectomy.
what do women look like after a hysterectomy? tamar betts cotton. 2023
He searched and found me twice. As the stranger said to me, with a name like yours, your easy to find. I was named by a ghost.
little red ridding hood
When there is something growing in your body not a baby, you haven’t told anyone because its the middle of a global pandemic. Others might need medical treatment more urgently and you’re too scared to go near a hospital. You’ve ignored it getting bigger for twelve months. When you lay on your back you can see it like a tennis ball sticking out. It’s probably nothing but you don’t know that yet. Feeling too faint to put the clothes on the clothes horse you have to lay down before you fall. You lay and ponder the Sisphus’s boulder that is the home keeping of motherhood.
clothes horse
Back in 2005 when bird flu hit the news in the UK I pondered briefly, the birds feelings as they rapidly became the new favorite leper of the tabloids.
bird flu
Some people can’t wait for a flower to open to see its beauty. They have to force it open exposing its insides for their own gratification, egos so out of control they can’t see they will never enjoy the beauty which they destroy in the process of their unnatural discovery.
fallen flowers
As the gap between rich and poor becomes an increasingly tense subject this short video highlights the disconnect. As Hollywood stars need the poor to buy tickets and tune in to their advertising . Many born into wealthy families have no concept of what poverty is. They have to do something to protect themselves from the multitude of desperate poor people trying to find a way to make their life more bearable.
necessary wall
Two old soldiers sit and talk about the times during world war 2. They have a shared trauma that can only be understood by those that were involved. They sit on Godrevy beach no one needs to point out the remnants of war that scatter the coast line to these two. The holiday makers are blissfully unaware of the terrors that still mark these shores. The days have faded behind these men and what appears to be good for the country now may not reflect the opinions of their younger selves. As Elon Musk publicly carries out a Nazi Salute how do these men respond to trump and all his supporters in America and the UK? Have they forgotten?